


The Family You Choose

by angelsfalling16



Series: 20 First Kisses [19]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 02:30:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20499404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: Baz is hurting after something that his father said to him, and Simon is there to comfort him.





	The Family You Choose

_Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what._

_-ANONYMOUS_

**Simon**

After lunch, I run to my room to grab something for class that I forgot this morning. I’ll be late to class if I don’t hurry, but I’ll be in more trouble if I don’t have the book.

When I step into the room, I don’t expect to see Baz there, and when he looks up at me, I know that he didn’t expect me to show up there either.

I freeze in my tracks as I take in his appearance. His eyes are puffy and red, and he’s wiping tears away from his face as he turns away from me.

“What are you doing here?” He sneers. “You should be in class.”

“So should you,” I say.

“I don’t feel like going,” he says.

I should probably leave it at that, let him sit here if he wants, but something about the way that he looks and the tone of his voice keeps me from leaving.

“What happened?” I ask. I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him cry before.

“Please just go away,” he says.

“Only if you tell me what happened.” I move across our room to sit beside him on his bed, and even though he glares at me, he doesn’t tell me to get off. Taking that as a good enough reason to say, I scoot just a bit closer to him so that I’m sitting right in front of him.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. You look terrible.”

“Thanks,” he says drily.

“That’s not what I meant. I just mean that you’re obviously not alright.”

Baz shakes his head and starts to get up, but I reach out to grab his arm, pulling him back to the bed.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?” He asks, yanking his arm out of my grasp.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” I counter.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?” He asks, obviously just wanting to be rid of me as soon as possible.

I shrug. “Maybe.”

He sighs and slides a shaky hand through his hair. The tears have momentarily stopped, but I think it’s just for show. He’s trying to hide his pain from me, but I can see right through it. He’s obviously hurting, and I want to know why so that I can help him.

“I got a letter from my father today.” He shakes his head and laughs drily. “He couldn’t even be bothered to tell me in person, or at least call.”

He pauses for a moment, and I patiently wait for him to continue.

“He said that I could hide who I am or I wasn’t allowed back there.” He doesn’t elaborate on that, but I think that maybe I know what he means. It can’t be that he’s a vampire. His family has to know about that already. It has to be something else. “I had to choose me,” he continues, “but I miss them already. It’s horrible, right? To miss the people who abandoned you?”

“No, it’s not,” I say softly. “I miss my parents, and I never even knew them.”

“He said that he’ll send me my stuff, but I’m not welcome in his home ever again. I’ll never even see my siblings again.” A sob breaks up his words, and I hold out my arms for him to fall into, surprised when he actually does.

I comb my fingers through his hair soothingly while my other hand rubs circles on his back, and I just hold onto him, letting him cry it out.

I won’t let go unless he wants me to.

“I’m sorry,” he says a few minutes later, pulling away and wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his jumper. “I didn’t mean to bother you, and I know you’d rather be anywhere but here. It just all suddenly became too much. My father not accepting me. Pressure from the Families. Loving someone who hates me.”

The last part takes me by surprise. I had no idea that he had feelings for someone. I had no idea that any of this was going on. I suppose I wouldn’t, though, since we’ve never been close.

“I can’t relate to the first two,” I say, “but I think maybe I understand that last thing.”

He looks up at me, a confused frown on his face, but he doesn’t say anything. I don’t elaborate either. I’ve never told anyone that much, and I don’t think now is the time to start telling people about that.

He looks away from me again, down at his hands in his laps, and I want to reach out and pull him back into my arms.

“I hate seeing you like this,” I say.

“Why?”

“Be-because I care about you,” I admit.

“No, you don’t. You hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” I say firmly, and he finally looks back up at me. “There are times when I wish I did. It would be easier to put up with everything that you’ve put me through, but Baz, no matter how much you may hate me, I just don’t feel that. I care about you.”

“Simon…”

I shake my head, interrupting him before he can say anything. “Screw your family. If they can’t accept you for who you are, then they don’t deserve your tears. Or your love. You deserve people who will love you unconditionally.”

“Like who?”

“Me. Baz, I—.” But before I can finish that sentence, he cuts me off with his lips pressed against mine.

It’s quick, and I barely have time to register what’s happening before he’s abruptly pushing me away.

“I’m sorry. I just—.” He shakes his head and stands.” I’m sorry.”

“Baz, wait—.”

He shakes his head again and heads for the door. He’s gone before I even stand up. I try to follow him but as I open the door and look down the stairs, he’s gone.

Hoping that maybe he’ll be in class when I get there, I grab my stuff and run there as fast as I can.

**Baz**

I shouldn’t have kissed Simon, but he was saying all of those nice things, and I wanted to believe everything that he was saying. But I was hurting, and I’m afraid that he was only saying those things to cheer me up.

Maybe he doesn’t hate me, but that doesn’t mean that he likes me, and now I’ve screwed up one more thing by making a wrong move. Luckily, I managed to get out of there before he could turn on me.

I can’t go home because my family has all but disowned me, and now I can’t go back to my room because I pretty much assaulted Simon.

I’ve got nowhere to go. I’m all alone, and I just want to get away from everything for a while.

I hide out in the Catacombs for a few hours until I’m sure that everyone is at dinner and then I sneak back up to my room. I grab my suitcase, and I start packing my things into it. I have to get out of here. I don’t belong here. I never did.

I’m a _vampire_. Even my own mother would agree that I don’t belong in the World of Mages if she were here.

I don’t have a family anymore, and I’ve got no place to go. I’ve got to get as far away from here as possible. Maybe I’ll hide out with the Normals, find a flat and go to uni somewhere that the Mages won’t think to look for me. Or maybe I’ll go live in the woods, away from people, but surrounded by things that I can suck dry without worrying about getting caught. I’ll find a nice cozy home, and I’ll live out my days alone. It will be better than being surrounded by people who hate me.

When I’ve packed everything that I can carry, I look around the room one last time. This is the place where I fell in love with the golden boy, a boy who was full of all the life that I never had. This is the place where I felt I belonged.

But now I’ve lost all of that, and I have no one to blame but myself.

With a sigh, I shut out the light and leave the room.

I’ve got my head held down as I hurry down the steps, and I run into someone just as I reach the bottom.

“Sorry,” I murmur, stepping around them.

“Baz?” Of course it has to be him. “Where are you going? A-are you leaving?”

I try to keep walking, to ignore him, but he’s grabbing my arm and pulling me back to him.

“Let me go,” I sneer.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m leaving.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s nothing left for me here!”

My tears have dried up, and anger has taken place of that sadness that I was feeling. The hopelessness is still there, though.

“Of course there is.”

“My family kicked me out, and I don’t need to be here for my eighth year. I should just leave. No one would even notice.”

“I would,” he says quietly, and I almost believe that he means it.

“Only because there wouldn’t be anyone here to make your life miserable anymore. You should be happy that I’m leaving.”

I shove past him and down the last few steps. I manage to make it outside before he catches up to me again. He reaches for my arm, but I shake him off.

“Baz…”

“Just let me go.”

“No.” He’s moved to stand in front of me now, blocking my way.

“Unless you plan on fighting me, you can’t stop me.”

“I’m not going to fight you.”

He moves closer to me, and I open my mouth to tell him to get out of the way, but then his hand is grabbing my wrist and pulling me closer. I don’t even try to stop him.

If he wants to fight me, I’ll let him. What’s one more fight before I go? It’s probably the perfect way to say goodbye to Simon.

But he doesn’t hit me. Instead, he steps closer until we’re practically pressed up against each other, and then he kisses me.

I should push him away, but I don’t want to.

What’s one kiss? (Technically two, if you count the one in our room.) It’s not like it will change anything at this point.

I kiss him back, and his hand slide downs from my wrist to my hand. I curl my fingers around his, and I wish that I never had to let him go.

“What was that?” I ask when he pulls away, resting his forehead against mine.

“Don’t leave. Stay at Watford.”

“I can’t.”

He kisses me again, quickly, but a firm press.

“Stay.”

I push him away gently.

“Did you kiss me just so I wouldn’t leave?” I ask, the anger coming back.

“No!” He sounds hurt. “I kissed you because you didn’t give me the chance to kiss you back when you kissed me. You not leaving would be a bonus. Watford would be boring without you.”

“Well, someone has to remind you how ridiculous your hair looks.”

I expect him to glare at me, but he just looks at me sadly.

“Are you really going to run away?”

“I don’t have a reason to stay.”

“You have me,” he says it so softly. He looks like he really means that, but what does that mean?

I just stare at him, a little stunned, until he speaks again, stumbling over his words as they rush out of him.

“I mean, we don’t have to be like that if you don’t want to, but I’ll be your family. Even if we’re just friends, I’ll be here for you. And I am certain that there are others who feel the same way. You just have to give them a chance to show you. Things won’t always be great, but you can get through this. I know what it’s like to have no one, and I just want you to know that you are not alone.”

“I thought you loved someone,” I say because I don’t know how else to respond. He keeps saying all of these nice things, and I don’t know how to respond to him. Why is he being so kind when I’ve only ever been a jerk to him?

“Baz, that person is you. I thought you hated me, but then you kissed me. And now what? You’re just going to leave? No goodbyes, nothing?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to go. My aunt said that I could live with her when I leave Watford. She’s pretty anti-Mage, which means she’s anti-you because you’re his heair, but at least she accepts me for who I am.”

“That’s great,” he says softly, a smile curving the corner of his mouth. “Her accepting you, I mean. Not the part where your entire family seems to hate me.”

“That’s something we have in common.” I try to laugh, but it comes out flat.

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” He asks.

“Yes. But not just for you. I’m doing this for me. I can’t let my family win. I have to show them that I don’t need them to be happy or successful.”

“That sounds like a good idea. And maybe you could spite them by dating the Mage’s Heir, too.” He looks up at me hopefully, and I can’t help but smile at him.

Even through all of this pain, Simon somehow manages to be the light in my life.

“Hmm. That sounds nice,” I say, reaching out to wrap my arm around his waist and pull him closer.

“The only thing is that she’ll be away during Christmas, so I won’t have anywhere to go for the holidays.”

“Looks like we’ll have the school to ourselves then. Maybe we’ll go an adventure together. Find a hidden room to explore.” He shrugs like the possibilities are endless.

“And what exactly will be doing in these rooms?” I murmur against his ear.

“That’s up to you.” He turns his face to look at me again, and his voice drops to a whisper, “What do you want, Baz?”

“You,” I say, and then I kiss him again, and I don’t stop for a long time.

I always thought that family could only be those related to you by blood, but Simon has shown me that that isn’t necessarily true. I can choose him to be my family. We can be there for each other.

And yeah, maybe this thing won’t work out between us, but maybe it will, and I’m looking forward to figuring it out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


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